Bugz' Life - Jokes / Humor

Jokes / Humor

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

The Facelift

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About 32,” is the reply.

“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.”

The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30″

Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, “I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nip. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay.. How old am I? ”

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”

The old man says, “Promise you won’t get mad?”

“I promise I won’t, ” she says.

“I was behind you in McDonald’s.”

Tuesday, 11 March 2008
Mga bagong kasabihang pinoy * Aanhin pa ang damo kung meron namang shabu. * Kung gusto mong lumandi, tiisin mo ang hapdi. * Aanhin mo ang ganda kung wala namang papa. * Matalino man daw ang matsing, sa simbahan din ang tuloy. Ano daw??! * Pag binato ka ng bato, batuhin mo ng tinapay.. na may palamang granada.

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Green Jokes

Maghiganti
Boy: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Girl: Niloko ako ng BF ko eh.
Boy: Ako din eh. Gusto mo ba makaganti?
Girl: Paano?
Boy: Sex tayo, ganti natin sa kanila.

Nagpunta sila sa motel at nag-sex. Pagkatapos nilang mag-sex…

Girl: Maghiganti uli tayo.

Kahit pagod na si Boy, pinagbigyan uli si Girl. Pagkatapos uli mag-sex…

Girl: Maghiganti uli tayo.

Kahit latang-lata na si Boy, pinagbigyan uli si Girl para di mapahiya. Pagkatapos uli mag-sex…

Girl: Maghiganti uli tayo.
Boy: Utang na loob, patawarin na natin sila!

Prinsipeng isinumpa
Horse: Mahal na prinsesa,akoy dating prinsipe na isinumpa.
Prinsesa: Ha!! Pag ba hinalikan kita babalik ka sa pagiging prinsipe??
Horse: Malakas ang sumpa,kailangan chupa!

Dalawang Kuto
Kuto1: Kuto2 this is Kuto1 over…
Kuto2: Yes kuto1, naririnig kita!!!
Kuto1: Kuto2 dito ako ngayon sa Bulbol ni Ma’am nagtatago OVER!!!
Kuto2: Ok received!!! Kuto1 dito na ko sa Bigote ni Sir…Approaching

Hanggang tatlo lang
Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
Anak: Mas bobo si tatay ‘nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi nya, “tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.”

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Bakla Jokes

Buntis daw
Anak: Inay buntis ako.. nahihilo ko..
Inay: Hindi ka buntis!
Anak: Nasusuka ako inay..
Inay: Di ka nga buntis!
Anak: Gusto ko ng maasim..
Inay: Ang kulit mo walangya kang bakla ka!!! Kurutin ko yang itlog me eh!

Pwede na ba magsuot ng bra?
Anak: Inay, pwede na po ba akong magsuot ng bra?
Inay: Hindi pwede.
Anak: Pero nay 14 years old na po ako eh.
Inay: Pedro, wag kang makulit!!!

May mens daw
Anak: Inay penge pong pera pambili ng napkin
Inay: Aanhin mo naman ang napkin?
Anak: May mens po ata ako..
Inay: Anong kulay ng mens aber?
Anak: Brown po ‘nay…
Inay: Punyeta kang bakla ka! Tumae ka na naman sa brief mo!

Bakla daw ang anak
Tatay: Naku… bakla ata tong anak ko…
Nanay: Pano mo naman nasabi?!
Tatay: Basta… mukhang lalambot-lambot eh.

(Lumapit ang anak)

Anak: Tay, bilihan mo naman ako ng kotse-kotsehan

(Natuwa si Tatay)

Tatay: Aba, sige! Pero teka anak, aanhin mo naman ang kotse-kotsehan?
Anak: Tay, isasakay ko si Barbie.

Palagay ng tattoo
Badong: Pare lagyan mo nga ako ng tattoo…
Bruno: Bakit pare??
Badong: Pare madalas kasi akong mapagkamalan na bading eh..
Bruno: Ganon ba? Sige saang parte ng katawan mo kita lalagyan ng tattoo?
Badong: Sa kilay na lang!! para mataray!!! dabah??!!

Bakla Jokes

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